Matt and the Cake

Ahh. It’s been three days since I have written anything. I totally forgot how to write the letter ‘B’. I figured it out though it out though, see? B. Haha, I did it.

On another note of write-ability before I get to the main topic, my friend Matt, bought a cake. A care bear themed cake. Well oblivious to me, it’s weird to buy a cake not on a birthday. Someone said that in my room, I’m not sure who though. This depresses me. Cake is delicious, and I don’t see any reason not to eat it for no reason, which by the way, is exactly what has Matt done. I’m proud of you Matt.
Wow. I just interrupted my interruption. How can I do that? As a matter of fact, how can anyone do anything—Wait Eric, don’t interrupt the interruption of the interruption! Bad things will happen! Too late, my nose is gone. Actually, I’m pretty sure—woa, Oscar Pretzel is gone. Mmmm, Hersheys. Crap. My leg.
ANYWAY, Matt bought a cake.

(Silence) Yep. That’s it. Naw, actually there’s more. On the cake there was a flat care bear face made out of plastic. He took it off the cake, and began licking the frosting off the back, like any normal person would do. Frosting is good, you can’t just waste it. Well, while he was licking, all of a sudden, thin red streaks appeared on the plastic.

YOU ARE NOW FREAKED OUT.

Anyway, he had cut his tongue on the sharp edge of the plastic without knowing. Painless cut, very little blood, no big deal. Good thing it was not a dinosaur themed cake, with a plastic dinosaur face on it, or else Petoskey would have been thrown into the wall by blood. He’d be standing right in the way too, I’d bet money on it.
The two contractions that I used in the previous sentence (for you lazy people; he’d and I’d) are very efficient as contractions go. Not like stupid ‘its’, which takes out an ‘I’, and replaces it with an apostrophe that’s basically two-thirds of the letter ‘I’ anyway. Who invented these? They’re stupid. Haha, I used a contraction to say that contractions are stupid. If this were a big enough blog, I would put that on a shirt and you would buy it. It would say ‘Contractions’ in big letters, and then ‘They’re Stupid’ in smaller letters below it. I think that would be pretty cool.

On another topic involving punctuation, I always want to use semi-colons (because they are half a colon), but they rarely come up. Sad face.
Now for my main topic… ok never mind (phew, I almost wrote ‘nvm’), my Brain told me that I am not allowed to write about that topic. It gave me a spanking for even thinking about it. I guess Matt and his cake changed to the main topic.
I don’t have much written in this one so I will tell you a story.
Every Christmas Eve., my family and I wake up at 4:00 in the morning, play tetris, actually put the suitcases in the back of the van, and smash ourselves in there too. Where are you going you ask? Why are you traveling on Christmas Eve.? The answer to both of those questions is none of your business.

Just kidding. We are going to travel to Minnesota to spend Christmas with my Grandma and Grandpa. The trip usually takes all day, but we’ve been on so many of these trips that we’re experts at it. All you have to do is sit, wait, and occasionally complain or shove a McDonalds burger down your throat (Don’t get your hand caught!). We usually make it in time for supper, and we greet each other, hugs, happy grunts, you know how it goes. But two years ago, this cheerful greeting did not happen. Well, not right away at least.

It started when we pulled into this gas station/restaurant/truck stop/grassy field, and went in to use the bathroom. My dad filled the gas tank, we stared at all the toys that are really stupid, over priced, and fragile, we taunted an old man when he was trying to poop, y’know, the usual road trip bathroom break. Finally when we were ready to leave, my dad noticed that the car would not start. You probably know what’s going to happen now. To make a long story short, he stayed at that gas station/restaurant/truck stop/grassy field for six hours.

We occupied our time by playing the candy crane. We figured out how to get lots of candy. Basically, the crane lets you keep going until you get at least one piece of candy. But if you get something you don’t want, you can shake the machine to make it drop the candy. Then you get another turn because you didn’t get any candy. Using this concept, you can get a lot of candy by waiting until the claw is barely above the chute, then you shake it. The candy falls into the chute, but the claw doesn’t know that you got candy, so you get another turn. Haha.

Eventually uncle came and picked us up, pulling our car on a trailer behind us.

That story was way shorter than I meant it to be, but that’s ok.

Cannibals say that the Japanese taste the best.

Why am I starting this Blog? (It's a boring title, trust me I know.)

A couple of my friends have done it, and I have wanted to do it for so long, I am going to do it, I am going to start a blog! Wow. The second half of that sentence probably made you really hate me. But seriously, I can remember when I was a little kid, and I used to write in my little Harry Potter journal under the bed with a flashlight, even though it was the middle of the day and I could have just as easily done it on the kitchen table. It might have even been easier on the table. I probably will post what I wrote in there later, just to bring back memories and to take up space in this blog. Plus maybe it will make you hate me more, because hate is a good thing right? Be hateful to your friends and neighbors. I don’t know.

Now if you are trying to punch me through your computer screen because I keep rambling on about nothing, stop, because I am going to start being serious. Mostly because my cat is doing it too. Just kidding, my cat doesn’t have a computer. Actually, I don’t even have a cat. But that’s not the point. In the next paragraph, I am going to actually talk about what is in the title, which is why I am starting this blog. Go ahead. Go to the next paragraph.

Ok, I lied. Go to the NEXT paragraph, for some real seriously not serious blogging.

That’s a good reader. To be boring and to get straight to the point (which I actually haven’t done, look at how much I have wrote so far), the first reason I am starting this blog is so that I can feel more accomplished about my life so far. I am constantly on the internet, and I see many videos of what people have made and what people have done, some at a very young age. Like one young boy programmed a finger-painting iphone app., and he was less that ten years old. This makes me look at how average my life is, and this blog will help me to feel more accomplished. I mean seriously!

I’m not sure why I said ‘I mean seriously!’ in the last paragraph, but I did so your just going to have to sit there and take it like a man/woman! Actually, I probably won’t get any female readers. I’m not very smooth with the opposite gender. Excluding my dog. But that doesn’t count.

The second reason I am writing this blog is because… (Bathroom break)
The second reason I am writing this blog is because of one man, Shay Carl. Shay Carl is a famous YouTuber who has recorded a video of his hysterical life every single day for over a year now, all averaging around ten minutes per video. It is not just that that makes me like him so much, its his personality. Shay just has a way of joking his way, into your brain, and then locking himself in there. Even though you wouldn’t want to, if you pounded on the door and yelled for him to open up and come out, like a stubborn child, he would not unlock the door to your brain. I make this sound like a bad thing, but no. This is a very good thing, but he is just very addicting in a good way. I hope you understand.

ERIC! YOU ARE RAMBLING AGAIN!

Oops. I’m sorry, the reason Shay made me want to make this blog is that I realized, that even though it is a lot of work for him to record, edit, and upload all those videos every day, when he is older, he can go back and watch when his kids were almost babies. His kids can do this too. So this made me want to do something like that, where I can look back on my life, and think of all the good times that I have had. And cry. Wait, who just typed that part? It certainly wasn’t me!
This is getting pretty long, but I have one thing to say. Even though I am doing this almost as much for my entertainment as yours, I promise that I will keep this going for longer than the average blog, and I hope that it will be entertaining for you.